And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
