He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your penis caused this!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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