I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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