Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
