Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Enjoy the penises
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
