I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
