he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
