you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
