don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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