quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
