I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
