i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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