you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
