I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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