Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
