so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
