I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
