Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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