I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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