You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
