there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
