I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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