oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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