Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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