So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
