do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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