you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
