dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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