Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
