My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
