On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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