ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
