I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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