We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
