I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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