we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
