HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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