i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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