I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he was CRYING into my vagina
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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