honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
