wrigley field is MILF paradise
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
