I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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