It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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