i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I supernannyed him into submission
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
