he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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