I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
