that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
