Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
