Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
