Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
