Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, beer. Big fan.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
