you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
