just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
