dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
